Lloyd had not slept properly in weeks.
Sure, he had spent much of his life ruining his sleep schedule between missions, anxiety, and anything in between, but this was different. The last time he had gotten a full night of sleep? If anyone could remember, he hopes they would tell him. Lloyd had managed to keep it hidden from the rest of his team for the past few weeks, though it was becoming increasingly hard to do so. What would be him quietly dozing against Kai’s shoulder while he and Zane played video games turned into Lloyd practically passing out, sleeping against the obstacle course of the monastery only to be found by his students in the middle of the day.
If he keeps this up, he is sure to collapse, Lloyd knows that.
As Airin and Sora turned their heads at Lloyd’s sudden defensiveness, Lloyd knew he had to get away. His vision blurs every now and again as he opens the monastery door leading into their living room, closing the door behind him as his eyes start to flutter shut.
Lloyd’s mind is jolted awake as he bumps into the coffee table in the middle of the room, a pot of tea practically screaming his name. “Oh… tea. I could really use some,” he chuckles to himself in what he believes is the emptiness of his living room, feeling his legs shake as he grips the edge of the table, pouring the tea into a cup.
Kai, sitting on the couch, raises an eyebrow as he watches Lloyd pour tea into the plant sitting on the coffee table. Now that he thinks about it, Lloyd has seemed off. Moreso than usual, exhausted, and even a little delirious. “Hey, Lloyd? You… um- trying a new way to drink tea?” He asks, exchanging a concerned glance with Zane.
Lloyd jumps up, realizing he is pouring tea into a pot like he’s watering a plant. Lloyd looks up blearily to see Kai and Zane with looks of concern staring at him, knowing there is no avoiding this confrontation and he will soon have to explain himself. He watches as Kai is about to say some words, question his wellness and sanity, but he can’t let that happen! Not as Master Lloyd where everything is supposed to be okay.
Another vision is coming, he can feel it.
“Oh, man! What am I doing?” He gives a small laugh to lighten the mood, in hopes it changes the topic. Comic relief, he can do that. Lloyd knows he is funny, surely, they will drop the worrying and everything will be fine.
He gives a smile of desperation for his humor. Kai does not find it funny.
Zane walks up to him, Lloyd not having the energy to push anyone away anymore. His legs are frozen in place as his vision swirls, the icy blue eyes looking him up and down. He is still gripping the table, less for comfort and more for support. Lloyd knows Zane and Kai are staring, and they are both worrying, and now the cat is out of the bag and there is nothing he can do about it. The scanning finishes and Zane frowns, slowly reaching a hand to Lloyd’s shoulder. “It appears your body’s vital functions are under fatigue. Have you been having difficulty sleeping?”
No, he can still save this! Lloyd didn’t want the rest of them all to worry, he can still play this off. His eyes dart to both sides of the room as if he has no idea what Zane is talking about.
He totally does. Kai and Zane know too. All while Zane tries to logic his way into getting Lloyd’s confessions, Kai is watching him like a hawk. It sends chills down his spine, already adding pain to the insomnia-filled trembles and tremors. Denial, that always saved him. He could deny it, and everything would be okay.
“What? Me? No. Sleeping like a baby,” Lloyd gives a lopsided grin, but his older teammates see right through his lies. His strong grip on the table is making his knuckles go white, Kai getting up from his seat on the couch and moving towards him. “Guys… I’m fine. I swear.”
Lloyd’s vision starts to blur significantly as he squints to see Kai removing his hand from the edge of the table. It’s a gentle moment in the silence as Kai holds his hand before setting it down by Lloyd’s side. “Lloyd, it’s okay if you need something. I know you probably are trying to stay okay in front of the kids but it’s us. You can tell us if you’re not okay.”
Right, because the same way the new generation of ninjas looked up to him, Lloyd looked up to Kai all those years ago.
Except, it was different. Lloyd was the leader, stopped mergequakes singlehandedly for years. He could handle a little anxiety and not enough sleep. He could handle a few nightmares.
“Thanks, but I’m… I’m good,” Lloyd stutters out, only bringing more attention to himself as his knees lock. His heart races as he realizes his legs are going to give, right in front of the people he is trying to convince he is okay. He tries to take a steadying breath, but it does nothing to relieve his panicking heart. “I’m…”
Lloyd falls.
It’s a haphazard stumble, Lloyd reaching out and for a second, Kai sees the little boy reaching out when he sprained his ankle. A child, young, and hurt. Kai immediately brings his arms to support Lloyd, slowly settling on the ground with the green ninja in his arms. “Hey… you’re okay. I got you,” Kai holds Lloyd near his chest, looking up and seeing Zane staring in concern.
In Lloyd’s little world, his vision is swimming, and the only stability is Kai’s face near his own, along with the soft fingers running through his hair. “I’m so tired.”
Help me.
Kai understands, slowly getting Lloyd to sit up on the ground. “Yeah, we can tell. Let’s get you to bed,” he frowns, looking up at Zane. “Get some tea started, okay? Preferably not in a plant pot,” he chuckles, practically carrying Lloyd and supporting him as they walk to his bedroom. Kai never asks why Lloyd can’t sleep, for they both know there are moments when nightmares plague both of their minds. The world seems quiet as Kai is tucking Lloyd in, the same way when Lloyd was little.
“Alright, so you’re going to sleep now. Yeah?”
Lloyd looks away, the anxiety evident even with his already drooping eyelids. “Can you… stay? Even after I fall asleep?”
“Yeah, I can do that.”
“If I wake up screaming and accidentally hit you, will you not question it?”
A pit sinks in Kai’s stomach, but it’s not his place to ask. Not yet at least. Lloyd will tell him when he’s ready, and that is not today. “Yeah. I can do that too.”
